Perception.
Friday, January 23rd, 2009I listened to one of Bill Simmons’s podcasts today. I usually skip them and just read his written stuff, but his guest was Chuck Klosterman (both mentioned a couple weeks ago in my post about Paul Shirley), so I clicked on it.
One thing they talked about was your perception of success. The example they brought up first was Chris Webber. I probably should have written this post right after listening, so that I didn’t skew what they said too much, but….
Basically, the question is how do you think Chris Webber thinks about himself and/or his career? Do you think he walks around thinking he was one of the greatest basketball players that ever lived? Or, do you think he views his “life” as a failure, since he didn’t ever win a championship and probably won’t even make the Hall of Fame? A little later, they actually brought up Paul Shirley and the metric against which his career is measured - that just to have played in the NBA means that he was better than 99.99% of basketball players in the world. Why is Paul Shirley a success when Chris Webber is a failure? There can only be one Michael Jordan, yet is everyone who falls short of being ‘the greatest’ supposed to feel like they fell short overall?
When I think about my life, I generally feel very grateful, both to myself for being so awesome and to my “luck”. I am currently planning the 10th annual trip out to the Ballpark for Opening Day. We’re already full - 30 people signed up for what started as a handful of us getting in my Dad’s van that first year out of college. I have amazing friends. Also, I have an incredible woman who loves me. I don’t have a 9-5 job, and get to just play poker while I eke out a living. I live in a city I absolutely love. I’m “living the dream”.
Yet, when I compare that to where I think I should be, it doesn’t add up. I am so close to my dream life, and yet so far away. Heather lives 1210.45 miles away from me. I barely make enough playing cards to support myself, let alone a family. I’m picking bball games (and loving it) at a great clip, and can’t even risk money on the games.
I’m 32.
This is where I have been for as long as I can remember - living a really great life and constantly dreaming of more and better. You would think I would get used to it and either make something happen or content myself with what I have.
As I write this, my mind goes in 46 different directions. I have so many tangential comments to make, but I’ll leave it at what I have down. I hope it makes some kind of sense.